He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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