you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
