get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
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