she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
