We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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