Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
