Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
