my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Help me help you realize you are a moron
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
