At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
