His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
