shes about as inviting as chlamydia
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
