I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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