so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
