she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
