There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
