In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
