Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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