you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
