apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
