Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Randomize
