So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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