I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
