he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
