Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
