I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So much rum. So many feels.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
