I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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