You were right. It hurts to walk today.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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