Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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