If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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