Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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