my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
