when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
