My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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