I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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