There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
