He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
