Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
