I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
