That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
