she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
