gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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