Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
