i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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