Just fell off a train. Bad.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
