Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
