Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize