Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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