so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
