First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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