Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
