Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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