so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
