my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
