that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
