So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
