just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
