Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize