plz talk dirty to me
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
