So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
