Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
