It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Never joke about your clitoris.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
