We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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