Small penises have feelings too.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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