I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
did i just pee glitter
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
