there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
