it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
