In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
