Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
