Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
