it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
